Human Evolutionary Link Found Alive in Liverpool

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ReverseColonoscopy’s Natural Science department with an extensively funded employee base of Volunteer Dave with a grade B in GCSE geography and applied science, and Volunteer Rob- Dave’s dog, have made a startling discovery. Evolutionary biologists have been searching for the so called “missing link” in human evolution for upwards of a century, but our very own Volunteer Rob might have just cracked it. On a rhinoceros tracking expedition in Liverpool, which has so far proved unfruitful, Rob noticed that many pub-going Liverpudlians smelt unusually different from average homo sapien sapiens; human beings that is.

Upon closer inspection and totally voluntary probing we noticed a plethora of biological differences between Liverpudlians and regular human beings, for example Liverpudlians have very undeveloped vocal cords similar to that of a gibbon. The rest of the UK politely nods and laughs whenever Liverpudlians speak, but what we previously thought might have been an accent is now discovered to be a completely different vocal range. Scientists around the world have been facepalming now that after the initial discovery nothing could seem more obvious.

Coat_of_arms_of_Liverpool_City_Council

With a coat-of-arms like this presumably made in Microsoft Paint, how could we have not known? The figure with the horn on the right is believed to be an early Liverpudlian. The language below is so far unknown.

Liverpudlians are confirmed to be the missing link between our ancient ancestors and the modern humans we are today. Scientists are continuing to work on this newly discovered information.

-KD

Warning: Graphic Imagery Unsuitable For Children

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One of ReverseColonoscopy’s journalists in happenstance came upon a gruesome image etched onto the pavement, showing what must have been a horrific accident mere minutes beforehand. It seems that a pastry, perhaps a chicken and stuffing pastry at that, had slipped from someone’s grasp and ended up chalked onto the floor in a graphic facsimile. While it seemed to have been eaten regardless, someone, somewhere, must have had a day ruined beyond belief. We can only pray, be it for or against the wishes of the pugs, for the lost soul that day.

RIP in peace

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RIP

-KD (the one that has legible grammar)

Religion

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Right now and for the past 8 trillion years, Religion has been considered a very controversial topic. Humans were created with the ability to argue and argue and fight and argue with no foreseeable end it seems and we want to put an end to it.

Instead of talking about that we decided to look at the pug. A short snouted dog, Capable of taking down alligators and licking itself in church with a total disregard for people that may be offended.
We asked a pug what he thought to this problem that has been plaguing the modern world for too long. You may be thinking, How can we ask a pug? Well luckily for you the gods on our team are skilled enough that through the means of media connotation we can tell exactly what the pug is thinking.

When asked “What are your thoughts on religion and religious matters?” The pug subsequently licked his leg and barked at a plant pot containing a Peace Lilly with a used napkin thrown ontop.

Translated, this powerful messaged states that religion is subjective and war isn’t necessary for all religious goals to be achieved. In fact if we share our resources rather than leave it to grow into false hope of sustainability our nations can unite as one.

The pug then fell asleep in a puddle of drool, as a philosopher deserves466072192

-HB

Aloe Vera

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If today was yesterday and Thursday was Monday a month from then would be Wednesday, Yes you guessed it, Friday is upon us

Today we at Reverse Colonoscopy thought would be the perfect time to talk about the reasonably unknown trend sweeping a small Asda in the rural-ish town of Beverley.

Aloe Vera Drinks?

Due to our extremely low budget and passion for drinking ‘soap’ like drinks, We thought we should investigate.

The initial aroma of the substance, a combination of bleach and Lime is the first thing that hits you. However in search of the truth we ditched our natural instincts to dispose of the “Aloe Vera” humanely and carefully poured small glasses for each member of the group.

** This is also a good time to point out that none of our experiments should be tried at home unless the necessary safety equipment is used **

Up until now the almost fluorescent green bottle had hidden the yellow colour of the liquid along with numerous amounts of what can only be described as “Floating Matter”. Unusually the taste was almost distinguishable from the smell, However the thing t
hat shocked us more was how addictive the substance was even with its quite major flaws.

Joe Gillyon a member of our experiment had this to say on the whole experience

“When life gives you lemons, Make Aloe Vera”Aloe Vera

This inspirational quote I think is a metaphor which can be related to all aspects of life as we journey through an endless variety of paths (Probably controlled by the government). As a final point we would like to thank the EPA for not letting Coca
Cola take over the world and replace this wonder from the back of all Asda stores.

-HB