Human Evolutionary Link Found Alive in Liverpool

ReverseColonoscopy’s Natural Science department with an extensively funded employee base of Volunteer Dave with a grade B in GCSE geography and applied science, and Volunteer Rob- Dave’s dog, have made a startling discovery. Evolutionary biologists have been searching for the so called “missing link” in human evolution for upwards of a century, but our very own Volunteer Rob might have just cracked it. On a rhinoceros tracking expedition in Liverpool, which has so far proved unfruitful, Rob noticed that many pub-going Liverpudlians smelt unusually different from average homo sapien sapiens; human beings that is.

Upon closer inspection and totally voluntary probing we noticed a plethora of biological differences between Liverpudlians and regular human beings, for example Liverpudlians have very undeveloped vocal cords similar to that of a gibbon. The rest of the UK politely nods and laughs whenever Liverpudlians speak, but what we previously thought might have been an accent is now discovered to be a completely different vocal range. Scientists around the world have been facepalming now that after the initial discovery nothing could seem more obvious.


With a coat-of-arms like this presumably made in Microsoft Paint, how could we have not known? The figure with the horn on the right is believed to be an early Liverpudlian. The language below is so far unknown.

Liverpudlians are confirmed to be the missing link between our ancient ancestors and the modern humans we are today. Scientists are continuing to work on this newly discovered information.


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