Westminster Reveals “Northern Powerhouse”

The good folk down in Westminster have finally revealed the end product of the illustrious project dubbed the “Northern Powerhouse”. The North of England pays for its beauty and hospitable people with comparable economic poverty to much of the South, London in particular. To combat this the Tory government launched the Northern Powerhouse initiative to increase investment and infrastructure in the grim, foreign land visited only by the hardiest Southern explorers.

Unfortunately, the grand unveiling did not go to plan. Many were indeed critical of the end result. George Osborne in response to the criticisms replied “I believe we have achieved something great, however, as you all know, sacrifices had to be made for the budget. While we were originally going to put a house around the power generator, our funds ran dry after the new London skyscraper “the Phallus” went over budget. As a result, we have decided to blend the power generator into the open Northern countryside. Thank you.”

How do you feel about this? Has it lived up to your expectations? Post below.

This is the final product of the Northern Powerhouse:

-KD

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Credit to OMC Power

Nearing Niyazov Anniversary

Start preparing your party plans, for in no less than four months it is the anniversary of Turkmenistan’s late President-for-Life Saparmurat Niyazov’s first term in office. President Niyazov, a modest celebrity and inspiration to us here at ReverseColonoscopy, is well known for humble quotes such as “I watched young dogs when I was young. They were given bones to gnaw to strengthen their teeth. Those of you whose teeth have fallen out did not chew on bones”. His wisdom was unparalleled.

To exemplify his people’s, and indeed our love for him here is a final quote:

“I’m personally against seeing my pictures and statues in the streets… But it’s what the people want”. Rest in RIP glorious leader. May your reign extend into the afterlife.

-KD

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