Did you know that your urine says a whole lot about you? Because it does, and you can determine your health, hydration, and more just from a glance. Here is a handy guide to help you get started on your urinvestigation.

Clear Urine

Clear urine is generally a sign of good hydration and overall health.

Light Yellow

Light yellow urine is also a positive sign, although another glass of water wouldn’t go amiss.

Amber

Amber-coloured urine is a sign you have been sitting down too long. Urologists suggest that people associate amber urine with sitting at an amber traffic light.

Brown

Brown urine suggests that you have minority African or Middle Eastern ancestry. Try ancestry.com and discover that you are descended from a long line of Sheikhs.

Green

Green urine is commonly found in environmentalists who often have similar lifestyles and diets. If you have green urine you all but certainly are a Green Party supporter.

Orange

The body secretes orange urine as a warning mechanism. Something is very wrong that you have barely perceived. In many cases this is stalking or surveillance. Run Forrest, run!

Black

Black urine is perfectly healthy, it just means you are so goddamn black you piss shades darker than the complexion of Hispanics. If you are not black you may want to consider race-reassignment surgery and start identifying as black.

Red, White, and Blue Stripes

You have seven high-powered assault rifles, are belligerent to women in hijabs, and a “make America great again” sign graces your front garden. Pure ‘Murican runs in in your veins. The only thing that doesn’t run is you.

Tea-Coloured

Rule Britannia, Britannia rules the waves! Britons shall never never never be slaves…

-KD PhD urologist.