New British Prime Minster Allegedly Appointed

With the American presidential elections well on their way to an underwhelming conclusion, Mainstream News organisations have failed to report on the political developments happening in the UK.
After David Cameron’s predictable shock victory in 2016 the population have grown bored of having the same PM for so long. Since then, the memes have run dry, people have become tired of complaining and if you live in places with KC Broadband you most likely don’t have access to the internet in order to complain.

Conrad Dean, a candidate from the small island of Bangladesh has recently taken his position in office to make the country a better place. Unlike past Prime Ministers the job was bestowed upon him after getting the job through the Macdonald’s monopoly scheme, a scheme which has proven great in expanding the reach of diabetes. This has received some criticism but with an extensive CV of both “Kicking ass” and “Taking names” he is more than qualified for the position. In the next few months we will be following him close to find out the developments in his campaign.
Proposals include:
– Spreading Deanism to the masses
– Replacing ‘God save the queen’ with Steel Panther’s “Glory Hole”
– Reduction in University Fee’s
– Promoting British Values
– Eating a large quantity of cake like substances

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-HB

It’s about to get quizzical

Firstly as a respected unrespected editor for this blog I would like to apologise for the terrible, appalling, dreadful, dire, ghastly pun in the title.

In a seemingly “democratic” society, we are subjected to this terrible Grammer and despite campaigning for unequal vocabulary, my efforts have been unsuccessful. The word “Quizzical” I would like to remind readers is a myth, a lie, a representation of where this country is heading.

Are we supporting British Values? Or are we fuelling a communist society?

-HB

P.s – We are partaking in a quiz this evening

Late Edit- We totally won

IMPORANT NEWS

Shalom fellow reader / readers

EXCITING NEWS, Our incredibly successful blog may be featuring in the ‘The Jay’, Despite them not following our editors back on twitter..

*Hint* *Wink* *Cough*

Our content will therefore have entered the mainstream media and be providing the masses with pointless yet meaningful news stories, filled with vital and insignificant reports.

STAY TUNED

-HB

 

What your bread choice says about you

We’ve all been there, What sandwich do you want? what sauce? Salad? Drink? Being bombarded by inane questions that make little difference to your overall life and wellbeing. I myself have had extremely bad experiences in the so called ‘Subway’ which has lead to me suffering regular mental breakdowns and a multitude of severe flashbacks.

To protest this I have recently been doing the ‘indie’ thing and using local sandwich shops such as ‘Top Shop’ for a number of years. The one question posed “Soft White or Hard Brown??

Unfortunately in this time of economic instability and uncertainty about jobs along with immigration and all that jazz, its impossible to comprehend such a question in such little time and therefore I shall leave it up to your interpretation

“Soft white or Hard Brown”

-HB

Religion

Right now and for the past 8 trillion years, Religion has been considered a very controversial topic. Humans were created with the ability to argue and argue and fight and argue with no foreseeable end it seems and we want to put an end to it.

Instead of talking about that we decided to look at the pug. A short snouted dog, Capable of taking down alligators and licking itself in church with a total disregard for people that may be offended.
We asked a pug what he thought to this problem that has been plaguing the modern world for too long. You may be thinking, How can we ask a pug? Well luckily for you the gods on our team are skilled enough that through the means of media connotation we can tell exactly what the pug is thinking.

When asked “What are your thoughts on religion and religious matters?” The pug subsequently licked his leg and barked at a plant pot containing a Peace Lilly with a used napkin thrown ontop.

Translated, this powerful messaged states that religion is subjective and war isn’t necessary for all religious goals to be achieved. In fact if we share our resources rather than leave it to grow into false hope of sustainability our nations can unite as one.

The pug then fell asleep in a puddle of drool, as a philosopher deserves466072192

-HB

Aloe Vera

If today was yesterday and Thursday was Monday a month from then would be Wednesday, Yes you guessed it, Friday is upon us

Today we at Reverse Colonoscopy thought would be the perfect time to talk about the reasonably unknown trend sweeping a small Asda in the rural-ish town of Beverley.

Aloe Vera Drinks?

Due to our extremely low budget and passion for drinking ‘soap’ like drinks, We thought we should investigate.

The initial aroma of the substance, a combination of bleach and Lime is the first thing that hits you. However in search of the truth we ditched our natural instincts to dispose of the “Aloe Vera” humanely and carefully poured small glasses for each member of the group.

** This is also a good time to point out that none of our experiments should be tried at home unless the necessary safety equipment is used **

Up until now the almost fluorescent green bottle had hidden the yellow colour of the liquid along with numerous amounts of what can only be described as “Floating Matter”. Unusually the taste was almost distinguishable from the smell, However the thing t
hat shocked us more was how addictive the substance was even with its quite major flaws.

Joe Gillyon a member of our experiment had this to say on the whole experience

“When life gives you lemons, Make Aloe Vera”Aloe Vera

This inspirational quote I think is a metaphor which can be related to all aspects of life as we journey through an endless variety of paths (Probably controlled by the government). As a final point we would like to thank the EPA for not letting Coca
Cola take over the world and replace this wonder from the back of all Asda stores.

-HB